On the 23rd june 2017 i lost my brother to terminal cancer. Ever since that day sometimes i have felt suicidal because i felt like i had nothing else to live for. But i know that if kieran was still here physically he would tell me dont do it you have so much to live for. Every so often that one voice in my head keeps on telling me to commit suicide. I want to tell my parents or someone but i haven't been able to. I miss hearing his voice or being able to hug my brother.
I can’t really help you with the grieving, but know it gets easier over time and you are not alone. Maybe you should tell your parents how you feel as they will understand the most how you feel.
As for the suicidal thoughts, I suggest you talk to a doctor and try and seek counselling to talk about your feelings as it seems you are perhaps depressed as well as grieving. Also, tell your parents how you feel because they probably feel similar, losing a child is one of the worst pains of grief.
Now as for the suicidal thoughts, try and find a way to stay. The fact your brother wouldn’t want you to go is a great reason for you to stay. Also, try and think that your brother most likely wanted to live, so live because you are alive and live a life he would’ve wanted. Also, your parents are also grieving for one child, don’t put them through the same heartache of losing you too. And also, you know how much it is hurting you to lose your brother, do not cause that pain for somebody else seeing as you know how it feels and I imagine you wouldn’t want anybody else to feel that way. And other reasons to live are that the future can be a wonderful thing and everything is temporary, the pain you feel will fade over time and you will always have memories of your brother. When you are alive with those memories of him, he is still alive and he can still live through the stories you tell others about him, you can tell future family members and maybe even your own children of their amazing uncle and how much he would’ve loved them and the things he would say and do for them. I know it’s hard to lose someone, but it gets easier over time and you will be glad you didn’t listen to the thoughts when you are sat in a chair somewhere with grandchildren playing snap with you and looking at Spongebob Memes. Don’t leave the Earth, you are alive so that must mean your purpose is to be alive.