Being judged? Help? Dec 27, 2017 19:18:44 GMT -8
Post by rosef on Dec 27, 2017 19:18:44 GMT -8
Hi, I’m a senior girl in high school. This is my first past on the website so hopefilly I’m doing this right. And sorry for the long post. I have an eating Disorder called ARFID (Avoidance/Restrictive Food intake disorder), which is basically where I was underweight and I had a small food pallet, but I have recovered from it. No one at my school currently, or at my old school knows about it (I went to the same high school ninth grade through the middle of eleventh grade. My school was closing at the end of my eleventh grade year, but I chose to transfer in the middle of my junior year to get to know people better). I got treated the summer before eleventh grade, and as I said, I recovered. During the summer that I was gaining weight, I burped a lot from the food, which is expected in people who are recovering from eating disorders. But I burped more than the other people that I was in treatment with. My burping was so bad at one point where I couldn’t put food in my mouth for like a minute or two because I was burping. I got an EGD done (which is where doctors look inside our stomach and part of the large intestine) to see if there was any reason why I was burping a lot (this happened right after I discharged from treatement and was in the early weeks of school), but there wasn’t. The doctor concluded that I was taking a lot of air in. That was true, since I noticed that I swallowed air because of not only eating, but because of stress, and having acids reflux didn’t help. I could work on the swallowing due to stress, and i did over a period of time, but this is what happened during the first semester of my junior year. I kept burping a lot because of these two reasons. I closed my mouth every time I burped. I usually would excuse myself after I did, but I burped so much that it became a hassle (well, to be honest, I don’t remember, but I do know there were times I didn’t say “excuse me”). Even though I would close my mouth, my burps were still really audible. Like, if you were sitting next to me in a quiet room, you could hear me. There was this one girl who after i burped one time, asked ‘Was that a burp”? I said said something along the lines of, “Yeah, but so what”? Anyway, I was kept getting embarrassed by what people said about my burping. I knew if I didn’t eat, I wouldn’t burp. I knew this was wrong, but I still continued eating normally. That is, until one day in October or November of junior year, my boyfriend (who knows about my eating disorder and burping), told me that people were talking about how gross and much I burp behind my back. This, of course, upset me, and caused me to eat less, spiraling me down into a relapse (I went back in treatment in end of February to beginning of April). I transferred the second semester to an all girl school (I was at a coed school before). I didn’t make many friends, even though I tried, because everyone has made connections since they were there freshman year. I made a few friends, but not any close friends. As i told you before, I went back to treatment, and it was all fine, and I am fine now. But the burping continued, it wasn’t as bad as before. Fast forward to senior year, first semester, early December. I was in the commons with some classmates. There were about 9 to 11 girls there. I closed my mouth and burped, and said excuse me. All the girls there heard me, and they all laughed, embarrassing me. One girl asked, “What was that”? I told them it didn’t matter what it was. Even though I have burped a lot less every day, i still burp, and they’re still as audible. I burped one time during religion class, and out of the corner of my eye, i saw two girls stare at me in disgust. No one knows at my school that I have an eating disorder. But even if everyone did know, they wouldn’t understand that changes in diet, how much or little you eat, causes bodily functions. They don’t understand that their laughs and their stares are causing me to have another relapse. I can’t tell them because they would think I was just making excuses, and that’s they don’t understand. I told the counseler about the incident in the commons, but she just said that it was sad that others did that. What do you guys think I should do? I don’t want to tell them because I have an eating disorder. How do I get them to stop? And don’ty say stop eating, cause I have already done that once and it didn’t help. One more thing. I want to write a poem about judging others about what they look like/do, but there being a valid reason behind that. I’ve only gathered two other stories than mine for this. Do you have any true stories about you guys about being judged for something you can’t control or what you do/did and the reason behind why you did it? Thanks. Sorry for the long post.