Post by "Amaya" on Sept 9, 2017 15:41:08 GMT -8
Forgive me I wrote this last year
Ive become better I promise
Ive become better I promise
(A not-so-cliché story from a not-so-cliché point of view)
Have you ever had taffy?
Okay, let me rephrase that. Have you ever analyzed what eating taffy felt like?
The way it sticks to your teeth before you manage to rip it apart but it just sticks back again, just a milestone apart from the sweeter butter toffee that seems to melt on your tongue.
It might be just me when I say that it can get just a tad bit annoying. To me or the taffy, I never really pondered (nor intended to ask the taffy), but would say to both.
You might ask what my point is. After all, not everybody writes about taffy in an assignment holding her grade. Nor is taffy the ideal protagonist for the 'character analyzing story' we are supposed to do.
What I'm trying (and failing) to say is that... that I am the taffy (metaphorically speaking) Nobody asked the taffy how it felt.
You see, two years ago, I wasn't the best out of all people. Tangibly, I might've even been one of the worst
You know how they tell us not to judge a book by its cover, and then extend the idiom to just about all spheres of life, including human interaction?
I –though guilty– am not ashamed to admit that I never followed the latter.
I judged people. Severely. And then treated them like I thought they deserved.
Now if this was a cliché book/movie, there would be the entry of a guy.
But life is biased and didn't give me a romance to work through my 'flaws'. De forma, it gave me an obstacle. It was quite good at doing that anyways.
She was what you would call an innocent, lonely little angel. To me she was an all fake, stuck up little devil's spawn.
Can't really say I wasn't, but then again, I was never really fond of competition.
She was smart, witty even, I'll give her that, but her sarcastic mouth was all but pleasing to my ears.
She was the first person who ever stood up to me to how I treated my peers, to how I treated her.
She had the opinion that I didn't have any say in her life.
You don't talk to the most popular girl in your grade like that. You just don't. So I made it my priority to prove her wrong.
And I was right, like always, just didn't know how much that fact appeased me anymore.
I was determined to make her break, to make her apologize for her attitude, so I started with what I referred to as the 'rumor mill'. It went from that to emotional to all sorts of bullying.
I don't know what happened, maybe she snapped, but then one ordinary night, of one ordinary day, she committed suicide.
The reason couldn't have been as small as high-school bullies, I knew her enough to know that. It could've been anything- abusive parents, self loathing, lack of friends...
It came as a shock to me that I knew my part in it, though unintentional, was tremendously huge. I thought I had buried my emotions deep enough to never be able to reach them. Apparently not.
People blamed me. They never outright said it, but they sure believed it. Heck! Even I blamed myself.
But it took me two years to mature enough to realize that they were all the same as me, judging because they assume the worst, assuming the worst so that they wouldn't be let down when someone falls off the pedestal, so they never placed anyone on it.
So back to our initial topic, nobody asked the taffy. Nobody asked me what I felt. Not when she died. Not when my mother abandoned me. Not even how I managed to raise my half brother to the pre-teen he is, all by me.
Everyone knew. But nobody asked... In the end, we are all the same, blinded by our insecurities and doubts; but some simply have a higher resistance to adversity and a better streak of luck.
I help myself feel better by believing that 'to err is human'. And what sort of humans are we if we don't mess everything up, right?
Academic Year- 2017-18