Hey thanks for reading this even if you don't comment it means a lot. I've been in a relationship with this girl for nearly 6 months and the relationship is really emotionally exhausting and at some points borders on emotionally abusive. It's very difficult for me to speak my mind to her because many of the things i would like to say and have said have caused her to self harm. I'm busy a lot and she's very attached to me so it's very difficult for me when I leave for work or school. I have to lie to her in order to get time alone because otherwise she will most likely have a mental breakdown. I'm worried for both of our mental healths being together and I want to leave but she has and will threaten to kill herself if I try to. Does anyone who has experienced something similar to this or just anyone have any advice as to how I should approach breaking up with her? Thank you it would mean a lot if you could help. If you can't, have a nice day and thank you for reading anyways.
I am in no position to give advice but I'd say that she needs you more than you need to leave. It seems like she is struggling more than you (I'm definitely not saying you don't matter, I'm saying that her situation seems more serious and involves suicide) Try talking to her and figure out if there are outside factors that are bothering her. Of course I don't know the full story because that's personal. If it is strictly the relationship, I would recommend talking to a professional because this seems serious. Talking to a doctor could help too because she could have a mental illness that requires medicine. Again, I'm not a professional, these just seem like good ideas. If you are in school, they often have guidance counsellors, health nurses, or therapists on campus. Hopefully I'm not stating the obvious and this helps at least a little bit.
Thank you so much I really appreciate your help it's so nice to have an outside opinion. I really do care about her and the last thing I want is for her to die. I would like to help her very much with the use of professionals but cannot due to our situation and her resistance to them. Thank you though.
Oh my god! I used be in the same similar situation with my boyfriend. I can tell you in my personal experience on how I handled it but its you for what you to decide to do. My boyfriend is really attached to me (still is but hes getting there). I told him if he doesn't get help ill have to leave because its unhealthy and its hurting the both us. We agreed and he told his counselor of his depression. So the school can urge his mom go find a therapist. Just know changing someone doesn't happen overnight. You guys will still argue. But having a therapist will help her set goals on what to do. Including giving you space and you guys need to learn eachothers language. Tell her to compliment herself and make sure to text her then and there when you're alone. Shes sounds like she's suffering from depression so she needs a psychiatrist too. Tell her if she really cares about you she would do it.
Post by awkwardphantom on Aug 25, 2017 21:23:42 GMT -8
I was in a situation exactly like yours with a boyfriend I had four years ago. The self harming and threats of suicide are manipulation tactics. My ex would cut himself in front of me to get what he wanted, or threaten to commit suicide if I tried to leave him. If they have threatened suicide before and have not made any actual attempts, it is most likely just a way to manipulate you. If you do fear she may actually attempt to take her life, call an ambulance for her do not go to her. It's not safe to put yourself in a room with someone who is in an unstable state and has the means to harm themselves. If you stay it will most likely turn into a full on abusive relationship. I stayed with that guy because I was afraid he'd kill himself and he made me think I couldn't get anyone else. That relationship went from verbal and emotional abuse, to physical. It is understandable that you care for her, but it's not healthy for either of you to stay in this relationship. You should inform your family about what is going on and have a list of crisis number that you or your girlfriend can call. Best of luck.
"Come freely. Go safely; and leave something of the happiness that you bring." -Bram Stoker, Dracula